Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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