And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
