so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
