fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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