is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
