I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
