last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
