I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
