But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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