"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
