I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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