Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
