So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
tell me about the fingering
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