After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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