I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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