Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
