She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
