it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
