All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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