do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
