yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
