it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
