He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
