So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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