So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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