Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
