I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
