And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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