Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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