I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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