So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
