I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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