i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
