Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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