omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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