i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
