My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
