I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
