I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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