I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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