just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
