I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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