so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
sarcasm needs its own font
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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