my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
