i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
