Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
