remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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