mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Come share oat with me in your robe
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
