At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
