im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
