she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
