the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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