The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
