I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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