it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
