i dont even know how to be here
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
