How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
