WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
