It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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